How to Fix Unbearable NFL Pregame Shows

I sat them down and chatted with them to present them with something that was both cost-effective and worthy of attention and lasting memory.

I would send a team to follow veteran NFL referee Carl Paganelli, a federal parole officer. Wouldn’t you watch this instead of six guys talking about where the Bears are compared to the Week 2 run and then threatening/warning us, “We’ll be back at halftime”?

How about a weekly special to identify and interview the most humble, team-oriented and polite young gentleman on each team for the future and to pique the interests of civilized viewers who don’t have much gambling interest in games?

Once the games begin, the broadcaster can refocus its attention, live and in replays, on those most keen to degrade their sport through post-game indecency in order to attract the kind of attention that television now guarantees for a certain amount of sustained mindlessness.

And at the end of every show was “The Most Ridiculous Celebration of the Week.” Highlighted on Sunday was the Browns’ defense last week against the Giants, which gathered in the end zone for a rehearsed celebration – which is what today’s pros now practice during practice – after a TD that was called for a penalty against the same defense was recalled.

And I’d like to close it with a graphic showing the final result: The 0-2 Giants defeated the favored Browns 21-15 in Cleveland.

Hey, so many players now so eager to embarrass their sport? Throw back a little. What could be the worst thing about it? Who knows, maybe it will even stop the networks from giving up their habit of hiring the worst newly retired NFL misanthropes to stop making their cable shows as insufferable as their pregame shows.

As for the obviously forced, desk-thumping laughter that has become de rigueur on pregame shows for 20 years, I’d try targeted cattle prods. And who wouldn’t bother to watch it?

880 AM has become a hype machine for ESPN

Predictably, ESPN Radio NY’s move to 880 AM, formerly known as News Radio 880, gave out a lot of ESPN promos – sales – as content.

Of course, the obedient Michael “Don’t Call Me a Shill” Kay, with his fragile psyche, was further demoted as a shill by binding his selectively outspoken, insecure co-hosts Don La Greca and Peter Rosenberg to a copy of the plan.

On Thursday I happened to try it out and watched the Kay Show before Cowboys-Giants to see if the Kay and Bad Company guest had an ESPN attachment. Bingo! The guest was former Giants defensive lineman Justin Tuck. Not a bad idea, until Kay revealed the reason for Tuck’s presence for business reasons:

Tuck also hosts an ESPN show. No ESPN, no Tuck. Bingo!

On the other hand, we now know the result: it’s all fraud. But don’t call Kay a decoy!

Do advertisers really think viewers will be tricked into buying anything Deion Sanders advocates when it might have the opposite effect? Most people wouldn’t trust Coach Slime with an empty envelope by now.

I still can’t fathom why NFL players, who are lost weekly and too often forever to concussions, continue to toast their teammates by punching them or head-butting them in the helmet.

If I were a color analyst and many viewers couldn’t understand this either, I would at least address it.

Reader Joe Shepherd to Nike representative Rob Manfred: “Nothing says Red Sox like a Clarabell the Clown costume in yellow and blue.” And that’s what they are: costumes, not uniforms.”

UNC paid James Madison 500 grand to beat them at home for bowl eligibility, but then lost 70-50 in a blood-pressure finale last week.

Where can all the eco-friendly college students protest when they have a concrete, demonstrable, and support-worthy issue?

Because money can move continents, California’s Stanford University is now a member of the Atlantic Coast Conference. The current schedule includes home and away games at Clemson, Syracuse, Virginia Tech and Wake Forest. There is also a game against Louisville, now an ACC college.

The amount of money and fuel needed to stage football games is enormous. The same goes for the silence of environmentally sensitive student protesters. Well, yes.

Analysts aren’t worth all that money

Now that Week 4 has arrived, one would think that there is someone at the top of Fox who regrets signing Tom Brady for $375 million. If he’s a draw – and he would be first in history as opposed to the game, but he’s no such thing – he’s for those drawn to fleeting and insight-hungry commentary.

Of course, few to no television network sports production executives would be able to tell the bad from the worse.

CBS’s Tony Romo, who in my opinion still isn’t doing all that bad – he even makes me laugh occasionally and occasionally sees and tells me exactly what’s coming – is still getting an obscene $180 million while CBS/Paramount is in the middle there are layoffs in the crisis.

I can’t wait to pick up Venus Williams’ new self-help book about personal integrity, credibility, and health.

I’m sure there’s a chapter about Doug Adler, who suffered a heart attack and lost his career and reputation after he was absurdly accused on ESPN of calling Williams “a gorilla.”

Williams was given the opportunity to defend Adler and correct the misunderstanding. Instead, she dismissed the matter as unimportant, allowing an innocent person to be destroyed by a lie.

Question of the Week: ESPN sideline reporter Laura Rutledge asked Buffalo QB Josh Allen after the Bills 47 and Jags 10 on Monday: “How would you describe the offensive performance tonight?”

How much better would Kirk Herbstreit be if he chose silence over empty clichés? On Thursday night, during the Cowboys-Giants, he obliterated space and time with “not on the same page,” “I’ve got a play to call here,” and the need to “run downhill” nonsense.

Brad Nessler and Gary Danielson, CBS’ premier college football duo, are good enough, and should be good enough by now, to call out players, many of whom are now no longer pros, for counterproductive, all-about-me postgame misconduct to condemn.

Again, modern sports media avoids insulting the most offensive and therefore chooses to insult its audience.

As seen on YES, the Yankees’ Austin Wells was named Man of the Week in less than three hours on Thursday. He took such a beating behind the plate that a referee stopped the fight. And considering that at 20 times Wells’ $750,000 per player, MLB players can’t be bothered to go first.