What fans lost when we lost Liam Payne from One Direction

On October 19, three days after the death of Liam Payne, a founding member of the British boy band One Direction, I joined hundreds of fans who gathered in Washington Square Park in New York City for a public memorial service for the singer. Fans brought photos, candles and flowers, and for many of us, the moment was not only a farewell to a beloved member of a band that left an indelible mark on the industry, but also an embodiment of the connections and comfort that they have Fandom has offered for more than a decade.

We sang along to the songs we grew up with. Sniffles interrupted the melodies. In the sea of ​​One Direction shirts from the 2010s, it was hard to tell who came with friends and who arrived alone. But as always, for this group of fans, it wasn’t so important how you got there, just that you were there. A group in front of me was chatting with the girl next to them. “Did you come here alone?” they asked. As the solo fan nodded, the group spread their arms and said, “Then you are one of us now.” It would be hard not to feel the Holy Spirit among us in that moment.

Being a director – as we One Direction fans call ourselves – has always given us a sense of inclusion and belonging. We made friends during the crucial but awkward teenage years with braces, through inside jokes, late-night album releases, awards parties, and lyrical analysis. Through our love of a band, we have created a space for our generation, especially our young girls, to feel heard, safe and connected in a society that often dismisses their interests as frivolous.

I am forever grateful for the relationships in my life that began with the question, “Who is your favorite One Direction member?” They are relationships that continue to bear fruit and provide richness beyond our shared love of music. When news of Payne’s death broke, messages flooded my phone. My best friend from college (the closest person to my sister) and I decided to get One Direction-style tattoos. My high school friend and I briefly considered meeting somewhere between New York and Ohio to grieve together. The friend I met through a One Direction fan account on social media called me in disbelief. And my childhood neighbor, who first introduced me to the band’s music, responded to my Instagram story. We hadn’t spoken in years.

I don’t know the right words to describe the feeling of mourning a person you didn’t know, but whose art was there for you in the most difficult times of your life. When all else fails, a pair of headphones and the music of One Direction could provide a moment of calm. Fourteen years later, the band has disbanded, but a true community remains, connecting across thousands of miles and held together by a love of music and the people who make it.

Nicknamed “Daddy Direction” by the band and fans, Payne was known by fans for his leadership skills in the band as well as his maturity and knowledge of the music industry. He was instrumental in the band’s development of their sound, as he and bandmate Louis Tomlinson became more and more involved in the songwriting process over the five years the band was together, evident in their fifth studio album, Made in the AM” in which he and Tomlinson share the majority of the writing credits.

In order to come to terms with the loss of his music, we must also come to terms with the challenging years Payne has endured since the band announced their hiatus in 2015. The directors were part of the generation that came of age with social media, contributing to the frenzy that surrounds celebrity culture today. Payne has been open about his struggles with mental health and sobriety since One Direction began. In the wake of his death, we must examine child star status and introduce more protections for young people like Payne to ensure they receive the support they need to navigate their lives in the public eye. Payne was also abused and harassed by his ex-fiancée. My Catholic faith teaches me to exist in this complexity: the joy and the sadness, the pain and healing, the offer of love and forgiveness and the pursuit of justice.

As fans around the world mourn Payne’s death, several One Direction songs are on track to re-enter the Top 40 charts. Like thousands of other fans, I have been playing my 1D playlist on repeat since the news broke, trying to reconcile this recent tragedy with memories of my younger self. In a moment of levity, I realized I was grieving during one of their happier songs, “Best Song Ever.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I thought about the anticipation of the release and the iconic music video. Ask any of us to re-enact it and we would be happy to.

Towards the end of the song they sing, “I hope you remember how we danced.” I paused as a flood of memories came flooding back to me. From singing in the bathroom while getting ready for school to lip syncing in the car and driving with my brothers; From sleepover dance parties to tapping along while studying late into the night, there are countless moments in my youth when this band reminded me of dancing.

One such moment stands out: I was 16 and spent the night at my grandma’s house while my mother was in the hospital. With a fresh driver’s license, I drove to her house with a lump in my throat and feeling a little embarrassed that I couldn’t stay home alone. As I opened her back door, I heard the familiar chords of “18,” a fan-favorite One Direction song. My grandma danced in the kitchen with her arms outstretched and invited me to join in.

“I Want to Write You a Song,” a song from “Made in the AM,” echoed with a certain urgency in Washington Square Park on the night of the memorial. The sun had set and candles flickered in front of a photo of Liam as the lyrics contained a promise: “I want to write you a song/One so your heart remembers me/So whenever I’m gone/You can listen to my voice.” listen and sing along/I want to write you a song.” As I sit with this sadness, I am comforted by my faith in the eternal presence of God. And in a tangible way, Liam lives on in the songs to which we will return for joy and comfort.

On my way back to the subway I met a few girls my age. Both wore faded One Direction shirts like mine. We saw each other and gave each other a smile that reminded me of the words of St. Teresa of Calcutta: “Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”