She lies constantly and we don't know what to do about it

DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved to Austin, Texas three years ago for work and have been fortunate to build a great circle of friends since then. However, there is one person in our group, let’s call her “Lily,” who has caused some tension.

The problem is that she is a pathological liar.

She lies about almost everything, big and small. For example, she claims that she ate a different meal than what she actually ate, exaggerates stories about her job, and even changes basic facts about where she comes from.

Sometimes she tells graphic details about a particular experience or place, only to tell a completely different version of the same story a few days later.

What’s worrying is that these aren’t just little white lies; She invents entire parts of her life.

It’s gotten to the point where we’ll never know what’s true about Lily’s stories.

Our circle of friends all care about Lily, but the endless lies begin to destroy our trust in her. We don’t know whether to confront it or just let it be, but it’s getting harder and harder to ignore.

What is the best way to handle this situation?

– Liar friend

Dear lying friend: Why do you think you have to stay friends with Lily? If you can’t take her seriously because she lies constantly, how can you build a meaningful relationship with her?

Maybe you can ask her these questions. Tell her that if she is unwilling or unable to be honest with you, you will need to limit your interaction with her.

If she’s part of a group, you may still be able to see her, but keep your distance. Do your best to avoid getting caught up in her drama.

DEAR HARRIETTE: If I’m honest, my husband and I argued a lot throughout the year.

We’ve had a few loud matches lately where I said it was over if we didn’t get along better.

Miraculously, my husband started acting nicer – nothing earth-shattering, but there was less arguing and more friendliness.

Should I assume that’s enough to stay? Or at least try to make things right again?

I’m so tired of fighting and I’m kind of afraid to try again for fear of hurting my feelings for the thousandth time. He won’t go to therapy.

– Is it enough?

Dear, is it enough?: Why don’t you pay attention to your interaction in the next few weeks?

Choose to be pleasant with him and encourage the behavior you expect from him. Make an effort to meet him halfway. Suggest activities that make you happy as well as activities that he prefers. See what happens when you really work to improve things.

She lies constantly and we don’t know what to do about it

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