In youth sports, parents have to grow up

Many people who attended the Falmouth Fall Classic youth soccer tournament last weekend owe the teen volunteers an apology. At least one person owes a 14-year-old girl more than a simple apology. Feel free to wait for apologies, explanations or shrugs. In such cases, apologies are a long time coming. Pack a lunch.

About 200 teams participated in the Falmouth Fall Classic youth soccer tournament, said Ogden Morse, president of the Falmouth Youth Soccer Association. The games were held at Falmouth High and Falmouth Community Park. As would be expected when 200 teams competed in anything, parking was tight, especially at Community Park. Teenage volunteers did their best to keep traffic moving and push cars into gaps. Still, tensions were high and nerves were frayed, and the teens were subjected to repeated verbal abuse, Morse said.

A driver decided that verbally abusing a teenager who tried to help him wasn’t enough. Another driver, Morse added, appeared to have intentionally hit a 14-year-old with his car. Morse said he had spoken to the victim’s mother and that the 14-year-old was doing well, although shaken. It could have been much worse.

Morse sent an email Saturday to every coach on every team in the tournament, imploring them to tell their parents enough is enough.

“We have 14-year-old volunteers directing traffic and people throwing F-bombs at them left and right, which I consider to be reprehensible behavior,” Morse said. “Far too many adults lose sight of why we are here.”

This is just the right time to ask two important questions to teen sports parents everywhere.

First of all, what the hell is wrong with you?

Secondly, seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?

You don’t want to paint with broad strokes, but man, the worst is everywhere and insecticide resistant. If you go to a youth sporting event, regardless of the sport, you will almost certainly see a parent complaining about the officials. Or their children’s playtime. Or the trainers. The first time a child kicked a soccer ball or shot a basketball, there was a parent there to complain about something.

“I have been involved in youth sports for a long time. I’m used to the worst, referee abuse and things like that,” Morse said. “I don’t know how many times I’ve stood in the rain at a game and said to a parent, ‘No. We won’t do that.’”

Obnoxious behavior from teen sports parents is nothing new, and news that someone hit a teenager with their car unfortunately doesn’t help alleviate the situation. It’s ingrained in the DNA of youth sports at this point. There are people trying to change it, but culture change happens coldly.

A former college soccer player and coach, John O’Sullivan, started the Changing the Game Project in 2012 to help parents and athletes refocus on what youth sports are all about.

“Doing something that endangers life, that could land you in jail, or for a parking spot at a youth soccer game, is just crazy,” O’Sullivan said. “It seems to me that more and more parents are viewing sport not as a game but as an emergency.”

Do you know what your children will remember about these tournaments for years to come? It’s about walking around the hotel, eating together or jumping in the pool with friends, said O’Sullivan. It’s not the games unless you were a loudmouth. They will remember that.

“Know your role,” O’Sullivan said. You can be a parent, coach, fan or official. When you start mixing and matching roles, that’s a problem.

When you take out your frustration on a 14-year-old girl by hitting her with your car, physical education is more than just obnoxious whining. Tournament organizers met with Falmouth police, but as of Friday afternoon there was nothing they could do. Everyone has a camera in their pocket, but no one has a video or photo of the incident. At least as of Friday, no one had come forward with one. Not even a grainy photo of the perpetrator’s license plate.

“We would like to do something,” said Falmouth Deputy Police Chief Jeff Pardue. “No report was ever made…We found out about it through word of mouth.”

Pardue said tournament organizers did reach out to police and request a presence at the tournament, but the request came too late for the department to designate an officer. Next year, everyone agreed, the police will be there.

Do we really need a police presence to force people to behave with a modicum of decency? Go to a high school game on a Friday night, where there is usually a referee present, and watch the fans taunt the referees and players. Pardue said fan behavior doesn’t typically go to the point where one of the officers has to intervene, but it happens.

That shouldn’t be the case.

Youth sports continue to be a fantastic tool for teaching children about life. You always try hard but things don’t always work out the way you want. You get up and try again. Adversity is a part of growing up, and that’s a good thing.

There’s one thing every sports parent can do to improve the experience for them and their child, O’Sullivan said. It’s not about barking at the coach or pulling the kid off the field because you think the referee stinks.

“Tell them you love watching them play. That’s the most powerful thing you can say,” O’Sullivan said.

The incident at Falmouth Community Field last weekend could have been a tragedy. If that’s the best we can say about it, it’s already a tragedy.

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