The potential cost of not setting limits on screen time for your children “has never been higher,” warns parenting expert Dr. Becky

“Jon and I complement each other naturally,” says Kennedy, mother of children ages 7, 10 and 13 Assets. Haidt, she says, did an excellent job of presenting the problems with smartphones and social media in a way that resonated with parents – by highlighting the shift for children from a game-based childhood to a phone-based childhood and the changes that come with it have highlighted social isolation, sleep disorders, reduced concentration and anxiety.

“But the parents say, ‘Okay, what should I do in this scenario?’ I know that in life I find it frustrating when a problem is stated without a solution being offered,” she says. “I’m just scared.”

Here comes Dr. Becky’s parent company Good Inside comes into play – and offers his free guide “5 Strategies for Parents to Liberate the Anxious Generation.”

“I have a feeling [Haidt] has tremendously increased parents’ motivation to look for a solution, and the solution is nuanced,” says Kennedy. “It’s on the ground and made of concrete. It’s actionable.”

Her five pieces of advice for parents — know your job, maintain boundaries, allow yourself to change course, teach competence as an antidote to anxiety, and join forces with other parents to set smartphone rules — are in the guide clear and well explained Below are some useful insights with additional perspectives from AssetsDiscussion with Dr. Becky.

Why it’s so hard to set boundaries

Kennedy believes parents are finding it increasingly difficult to set boundaries, which is the “core of the problem.” Here’s why: “The cost of not setting boundaries for our children has never been higher—Because if you don’t set limits now, it’s not like your child gets extra ice cream. They get TikTok at age 8.”

She believes it has become more difficult for parents to set boundaries for two main reasons: The first reason is simply that parenting in such a technologically difficult time is uncharted territory.

“I don’t think parenthood has ever come naturally,” she says. “But the idea that parenting in a digital world with all of these things available to our children is a given is at best a joke – and at worst a way to intentionally make parents feel guilty.” There is Courses for useful skills such as cardiopulmonary resuscitation, but none when it comes to setting boundaries in the digital age.

“So why should we expect to magically absorb this ability? That’s just not how any kind of learning works,” she says.

Another reason it’s harder to set boundaries, she says, is the influence our phones have had on us as parents. Because the more engrossed we are in our own phones, the more attuned we are to instant gratification – and the lower our frustration tolerance becomes.

“When our children whine, complain, or reject—which always happens when we set a limit—we are literally less tolerant of our children’s resistance because we have developed a higher expectation of satisfaction and relaxation due to our dependence on our digital devices says Kennedy.

So when we think about saying “no” and dealing with the whining, we think, “‘I have to endure their irritation—or I could just go back and scroll something on my phone when I say yes,'” she explains . “As parents, we have lowered our own frustration tolerance, so we find it harder to set boundaries. And I think that’s part of the equation that we really need to talk about more.”

That’s because it doesn’t go away, she says – and because no child will ever say, “I feel so safe with you, you’re such a great parent.” Thank you for making a decision for my long-term health have met.”

Dr. Becky also tells parents this: “If you can’t say no to a cupcake, you won’t be able to say no to TikTok.” And if you can start saying no to a cupcake – or a later bedtime, or a new T- Shirt – then you are “building your relationship with your child,” she explains [the idea of] Set boundaries and tolerate their feelings.”

If you don’t do that 10 years later, she warns, and then say “no” to TikTok, it will be harder to start setting those boundaries. If you start early, “it’s built into the fabric of your relationship.”

Why it’s not too late if you don’t set boundaries early on

Know that you’re “like most people” if you haven’t started putting your foot down early, says Kennedy. And the first step to getting over it, she says, is “forgiving yourself.”

“We weren’t cut out for this,” she says. “And a mantra I often tell myself is: The right time for change is always now. So your kid is 13, your kid is 18, whatever. After you’ve truly forgiven yourself, what’s the first step you can take to set boundaries that feel manageable?”

To build these boundary-setting muscles, Dr. Becky to parents of teenagers, it’s best not to start TikTok. “It’s just not realistic,” she says. Instead, start by no longer allowing your child to sleep with their phone in their room at night.

“For me, that’s a non-negotiable limit,” she says. “And you can present it in a way that your child knows — and this is key — that we need to set boundaries from a protection perspective, not a punishment perspective. The same boundary that comes from a mindset of protection is received in a very different way than the same boundary that comes from a mindset of punishment.”

The punishment, she explains, goes like this: “You are no longer allowed to have your phone in your room. This is ridiculous. You’re not sleeping, you’re not responsible. I can’t trust you.” It’s an approach that would provoke rebellion and anger.

Protection, on the other hand, sounds like this, she says: “We’re on the same team and one of my jobs is to prioritize your safety over your immediate, short-term comfort and happiness.” We’ll slowly make some changes. You’ll probably feel uncomfortable… And the first change will be where your phone is when you sleep. I can’t allow it to be in your room any longer. I’ve read too much. I know it affects your sleep. I know, that’s annoying. I know you will protest. I know that the first few nights you might even be anxious and have a harder time sleeping… But we will get through this and I know we can because we are on the same team.”

Dr. Becky sees the exercise as a “boundary hierarchy” that allows you to try it more and more, even with more difficult things – like TikTok.

In the end, she says, it will teach your children perhaps the most important skill in life: resilience.

“It’s so important to learn how to fight. That’s how you succeed,” she says. “The better you can fight – not in a toxic way, but the better you can persevere in a moment of struggle, the more resilient you can be.” And that’s why I see that as a guiding principle.”

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