Building a Horror Movie Fantasy Football Team (Attack)

We often build fantasy football teams in our heads. Whether it’s real-life fantasy football, building a team of superheroes, or anything else, it’s extremely fun. With October and Halloween just around the corner, I decided to take this concept and put together a team of only horror movie villains. With that said, the Hollywood Villains begin the offensive.

DISCLAIMER: All monsters are normal size for the position they play.

QB: Pinhead (Hellraiser)

Pinhead has the size of a prototypical quarterback, and while we don’t see him throw much during his time on screen, the precision with which he uses his chains shows me that he could do the same thing as my team’s quarterback.

RB: T-1000 (Terminator 2)

The T-1000 is the perfect running back. He is extremely fast, but also able to shapeshift, using his liquid metal makeup to fit through holes that few other running backs could fit through. It is also exceptionally strong and difficult to bring down.

WR: Ghostface (Scream)

Like many recipients, Ghostface likes to talk and taunt his victims. He is extremely fast and can disappear and reappear out of nowhere. He regularly causes his victims to stumble and fall, which would be useful for a receiver.

WR: Crawlers (The Descent)

This is your prototypical slot receiver. The Crawlers are as fast as any other creature and can jump from one place to another faster than you could ever hope. It would be a nightmare to cover them.

Assault weapon: Invisible Man (The Invisible Man)

This seems a bit self-explanatory. It is extremely difficult to stop and attack someone you cannot see. Of course, that would also make it difficult to get the ball. If the offense can find a way to get him the ball, then great.

TE: Michael Myers (Halloween)

Myers is built like a prototypical tight end and while he never moves very quickly, Myers also never goes down and stays there. Myers is strong enough to fend off anyone who comes at him, but he’s also a weapon in the passing game.

LT: King Kong (King Kong)

Who is better at left tackle than King Kong? An ultra-athletic, preternaturally strong animal with great arm length and the ability to throw around anyone he gets his hands on. Kong has the frame and tools to block the QB’s blind side.

LG: The Blob (The Blob)

A massive guard that is impossible to get around or pass through is what The Blob gives you. He won’t pass well, but his ability to anchor himself in the passing game and not let anyone get past him is elite.

C: Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

Leatherface is a big, violent man who would play with a brutality and fury that few others would. He shows off his running ability on film, which would give him an opportunity to be a part of the running game. Leatherface is a perfect center.

RG: Pennywise (It)

Now I’m not talking about Pennywise the clown, but rather Pennywise in his actual spider form from the 1990 miniseries. Imagine a preternaturally strong and fast offensive lineman with six legs and two arms, capable of moving in the To anchor space and get into it.

RT: Frankenstein’s Monster (Frankenstein)

While some may argue that Frankenstein’s Monster is too cumbersome to be an effective tackle, I say they are wrong. Due to the size, length and strength of the monster on the outside, it would be difficult for rushers to get past it.

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