Pokemon’s leaked Octillery story is an official Vaporeon copypasta

A huge Game Freak leak has released massive amounts of company information, including employee data, the Switch 2 codename, and, what interests most people the most, a whole lot of Game Freak information.

The Game Freak leak claims that the source code for HeartGold & SoulSilver and Black 2 & White 2 has been made publicly available, as well as Pokémon concept art and lore snippets that the studio never intended to release.

Of course, all of this should be taken with a grain of salt, not only because it was leaked, but also because misinformation spreads incredibly quickly across the internet in 2024. Game Freak has so far only confirmed the validity of the employee data through a public apology, but has not commented on anything else.

Some of these lore stories involve relationships between humans and Pokémon. Yes, you read that correctly. Game Freak has its own version of the disgusting Vaporeon copypasta of yore (no, I won’t write or link to it). However, it is not Vaporeon who plays the main role.

If you had to commit the deed with a Pokemon, what would it be? I suspect a lot of the comments are about Lucario (yawn), Lopunny (how original) and Gardevoir (daring today, right?). I suspect that very few of you have written the word “Octillery.” Despite this, Pokémon’s own internal lore involves a man sleeping with an octillery. On several occasions. And they have a child.

Don’t think about it for too long. The whole story is actually quite interesting, told as an ancient myth, a parable to warn of mass murder. But it all starts with a man having “relationships” with an octillery.

There is so much to unpack here. Why did Game Freak think it was important to understand what happens when humans and Pokémon come together? Why did it choose Octillery? Why can Pokémon get pregnant with human children? Did the child hatch from an egg or was it born? What does this mean for the day care system?

There are other stories in the leak involving the likes of Typhlosion and Lapras (the latter appears to be a variant of this). An Original Sin story involving a woman impregnated by Slakoth serves as a reminder not to cause excessive harm to Pokémon. There’s also a really messed up story about a Tauros, but this isn’t about any, um, “relationships” but rather about how fusing humans with Pokémon can drive them crazy. It’s like Bill is writing his diary as if it were Cronenberg’s The Fly. By the way, Jeff Goldblum as Bill is a great choice for any Pokémon film, body horror or not.

What stands out the most, however, is the Octillery story. Why octillery? I just don’t see the appeal. I’m not saying I’m doing this for Vaporeon or Typhlosion, but it does mean that this isn’t some leaked personal fanfiction, but was probably intended to be used in one of the games at some point. For what reason we’ll never know, but the file was saved and has finally seen the light of day, for better or for worse.

As a counterpoint to my Octillery aversion, TheGamer’s Tabletop Editor Joe Parlock and Editor-in-Chief Stacey Henley had different opinions on the Johton Octopus when playing Smash or Pass with all 1,000+ Pokémon. “Remoraid is a weapon and Octillery is meant to be the tank it evolves into,” Henley wrote, seeing the point. “Which is also stupid. And I pass again.”

Parlock disagreed. “Octillery is a blast though,” he wrote. “If you can think of multiple methods, you won’t get through.”

I think I can, buddy. But Game Freak clearly agrees that Octillery is a smashable monster. So who is the fool now? I never thought I’d see the day when Game Freak made the Vaporeon copypasta canon, and while that hasn’t happened yet, I think this leak could be even worse. For those of you who have your fingers crossed for an official canonization of relationships between Pokémon and humans, the monkey’s paw has curled. In his palm is an Octillery, the least sexy Pokémon ever designed. Take it or leave it.