Serial killer John Wayne Gacy kidnapped and raped veteran actor Jack Merrill

Hollywood seems to be obsessed with serial killer stories, and a veteran actor is now opening up about his own all-too-real encounter with John Wayne Gacy.

Jack Merrill, whose decades-long career includes roles in Eight men out, law and order, Sex and the city, Grey’s Anatomy, Numb3rs And Hannah Montanawrote this week about surviving a kidnapping and rape by Gacy, a serial killer who sometimes dressed as a clown and who authorities say sexually abused and murdered at least 33 young men and boys.

Merrill says his attack occurred in 1978, when he was 19 years old.

“One night,” he writes for People“I went home. A guy stopped and said, ‘Do you want a ride?'”

Merrill remembers accepting, only to be drugged and dragged to Gacy’s house.

“He put this homemade device around my neck,” the actor writes. “It had ropes and pulleys and it went around my back and through my handcuffed hands in such a way that if I resisted I would suffocate.”

Merrill says Gacy “put a gun in my mouth” before raping him.

“I finally realized he was tired. Suddenly he said, ‘I’m taking you home,'” writes Merrill, who remembers his captor once telling him, “You’re not like those other kids.”

Anyway, “He dropped me off not far from where he picked me up. It was around 5am. He gave me his phone number and said, “Maybe we’ll meet again sometime.” When I got home, I flushed the number down the toilet and then took a shower.”

Merrill says a few months later he saw a headline in the newspaper Chicago Sun Times It read, “Bodies found in suburb,” and he knew the man involved was the one who had kidnapped and attacked him.

“I made a pact with myself to get over it,” he writes. “I didn’t want to leave my happiness in this house.”

Part of Merrill’s healing was acting.

“I got into the drama department at NYU. In 1986, a few friends and I founded Naked Angels, an off-Broadway company for actors and playwrights. Acting was therapeutic for me. You’re forced to express yourself, and with that comes a certain honesty. Recognition and acceptance.”

Another part was consciously forgiving Gacy for what he had done.

“I read that Oprah is doing a show about forgiveness,” Merill says. “There was a woman who was raped, beaten and left to die. She said if she didn’t forgive her attacker, she wouldn’t be able to move on with her life. I knew I had to do this – to somehow forgive Gacy.”

What also helps: “I also found love. My husband and I have been together for 23 years.”

Merrill says he once talked to a film executive about telling him the story of his encounter with Gacy.

“This is how you want to be remembered?” replied the manager.

Merrill says, “I thought, ‘No, I don’t think so.’ That would bind me to him.’ “

Now, however, he no longer sees it that way. He has a one-man show called “ The save playwhich is about his upbringing and the terrible night with Gacy in 1978. It is currently located at the Electric Lodge in Venice, California.

“There are a lot of people who have had bad things happen to them,” Merrill said. “Many people who have been raped don’t talk about it. I understand that. So far I’ve only told close friends. But when I do my new show, I go through it every night. I’m proud of the journey. I was able to learn from the bad and use it for good. You know, I’m lucky. I’ve always been lucky.”

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, get crisis support by calling the RAINN Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE or click here to chat with a trained support specialist.