October 7th made it harder to survive the Pittsburgh shooting – The Forward

As a survivor of the 2018 Pittsburgh synagogue shootingI have spent the last six years struggling to endure my grief without being consumed by it. I’ve been grappling with finding the right balance between remembering and moving forward.

I have watched my congregation and our community grapple with overwhelming pain and loss as we continue to heal our invisible wounds from October 27, 2018, when a gunman killed 11 beloved members of three congregations during a service at the Tree of the Synagogue “Life” murdered.

Jewish tradition commands us to remember, demands Yizkor or memorial services to remember our loved ones. And yet the Torah also commands us to protect our physical and emotional health.

These mandates often come into conflict, especially this year. In my community, we will pause eight times in October and early November to remember and pray memorial prayers as we observe the Jewish High Holy Days of Yom Kippur, Sh’mini Atzeret and Simchat Torah and remember the lives lost on October 7, 2023 and October 27, 2018, in accordance with both the secular and Jewish calendars.

A ritual that was once a powerful moment of shared remembrance now spans an entire month, forcing us to confront layers of grief that seem impossible to bear or process.

Over the past six years, I and members of my community have repeatedly returned to the words of Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel: “God gave Adam a secret—and that secret was not how to start, but how to start again.”

In my experience, every time I tell my story, every interview, every article that mentions our community is like ripping off a Band-Aid. With every tragedy, every commemoration, and every season, we must begin again.

Still, I have learned that a new beginning is possible, thanks to the perseverance and resilience of our community and the support of caring neighbors and mental health professionals. That it is bearable when we have compassion for ourselves and remember the joyful memories of those we have lost, and not just the tragic causes of their deaths.

Through memory, which can be cathartic and comforting, we can find laughter, happiness and community.

For the Jewish people, resilience is not just a trait – it is a tradition. Since the destruction of the Temple over 2,000 years ago, our people have faced unimaginable hardship and maintained their unshakable hope.

From exile from our homeland to surviving the Holocaust and pogroms, our teachings, traditions and culture are deeply rooted in finding strength in community in the most solemn and darkest of times. Our collective generational trauma from the cycle of tragedy and hardship has evolved as new threats of anti-Semitism and dangers to our people emerge at home and abroad.

But our Jewish history has always been about more than just survival. It’s about the strength and courage to remember where we have been as we look to the future. It’s about choosing joy and celebration even when the world seems bleak or we don’t know what’s next.

At the groundbreaking ceremony for “The Tree of Life” last summer, we marked the moment not with hard hats and shovels, as is typical of such events, but with the breaking of glass, a custom at the end of Jewish weddings. As we gathered on stage to celebrate a new beginning, we sang a blessing: Shehecheyanu“Blessed be you, Adonai our God, who has sustained us, sustained us, and brought us to this time.”

It was a moment of celebration in which we acknowledged and remembered the pain of the past and our broken world. Despite everything we’ve been through, it was a moment that reminded us all that there is joy and hope.

Even though there is no easy way out in difficult times, it is important to come together as a community. Even the most resilient still need a shoulder to cry on and an outstretched hand along the way to start over. Kindness and empathy can make a big difference.

Pain and grief can be overwhelming and some days it’s easy to get lost in our memories. But we cannot allow ourselves to forget, because remembering is a sacred act and an opportunity to give healing and hope to one another.