Sex on the first date: Is casual sex a relationship killer?

If you’ve been told—thanks to the countless TV shows, movies, magazine articles, and self-help books—that sex on the first date is not only shameful but self-destructive and that by giving in to the urge, you’ve also given up on having no chance at love, Find out here what you need to know about first dates.

Sex on the first date: The statistics

Some people seem to be quick to get intimate on a first date; However, for others it feels completely fine. In 2023, sexual wellness brand Lovehoney surveyed over 2,000 adults to find out how many had sex on the first date. According to their findings, over 70 percent of men are open to sex on the first date, while 61 percent of women are not.

Almost half of those surveyed said they had sex on the first date. Men are particularly prone to having sex on the first date: almost 60 percent of male respondents admit that they have done it. Women, on the other hand, are slightly less inclined to jump into bed straight away, with only 43 percent having already had sex on date number 1. 1.

Getting involved in sex too early comes with expectations

Admittedly, a first date is the first official meeting between you and a potential new partner, so impressions are of the utmost importance. But is sex on the first date really that bad? Some say sex is a negotiation tool, something precious. So if you give it away too quickly, not only will your date think you’re “easy,” but they may also have no reason to come back.

We asked Nupur Dhakephalkar, founder and chief clinical psychologist at the Center for Mental Health, if this was true. She told HT Lifestyle: “It is often observed that the timing of sexual intimacy can significantly influence relationship dynamics. Committing to sex too soon can set false expectations and cause a partner to question the depth of the emotional connection.”

Nupur says the important thing is to be honest. “It is important to recognize that sexual intimacy can be a signal of commitment. If she is perceived as easy to approach, she can reduce interest in a long-term relationship. Open communication about intentions and desires is crucial to building a strong emotional connection,” she says.

A relationship requires more than just physical attraction

There is also some truth to the fact that getting to know someone slowly, chatting, and sharing secrets is beneficial if you want a relationship beyond sex. So if you want a relationship that goes beyond simple sex, is it better to take things slowly? According to Nupur, building a meaningful relationship requires more than just physical attraction.

She says, “Taking the time to get to know someone through conversation fosters emotional intimacy, trust, and shared values ​​that form the foundation for a lasting connection.” When we slow down and have a thoughtful dialogue, we create a deeper one Understanding each other and paving the way for a more fulfilling and authentic relationship.”

Did you make a mistake by having sex on the first date?

What can you do after you have sex on your first date? When asked if there was no turning back and starting over if you still wanted to be in a relationship with that person, Nupur replied that sex on the first date doesn’t necessarily define the future of a relationship.

“While it may cause concern, it really depends on how both people communicate and connect afterward. If partners share a desire for a deeper relationship, it is important to have open, honest conversations about intentions, values, and feelings for the future. “Relationships can thrive when there is mutual respect and a real effort to build emotional intimacy, regardless of how things started,” she says.

This brings us to the question: Have you really failed by following your desires? The simple answer, according to Nupur, is no. Now the not-so-simple explanation: In her opinion, following your desires doesn’t mean you’ve failed, because “it’s important to separate feelings of shame from natural human experiences like lust.”

Healthy view of sex on the first date

She says: “Sexuality is a fundamental part of us and should not be viewed through the lens of guilt or regret. A healthy way to look at sex on a first date is to understand it in a personal context.” If it’s a decision made with consent, clarity and respect, then it’s part of your journey and not something you do for have to be ashamed. It’s important to practice self-compassion and recognize that every experience can teach us more about ourselves and what we’re really looking for in relationships.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice.