How you play with your child can determine how he or she plays with others

Toddlers learn important social skills while playing between caregivers and children

The way parents and their children play together could frame how children treat other children, according to a recent study from the University of Georgia.

Figuring out how to cope with new social situations is crucial for young children, and research suggests that caregivers play a big role in giving children a script to create from.

The new study found that the way mothers and toddlers interacted while playing predicted how the children later interacted with other children.

“It’s not just about what the mother does when they interact, and it’s not just about what the child does when they interact,” said Niyantri Ravindran, lead author of the study and an assistant professor in the College of Family and Consumer Sciences UGA. “It’s really about how their behaviors appear together. This two-way dialogue between mother and child contributes to how children interact with their peers.”

Caregivers help children practice for future social situations

The study was based on data collected at the University of Illinois. Researchers brought more than 120 mothers and their toddler children into a laboratory playroom to observe how they interacted while playing.

The researchers followed the children through their preschool years and examined how they interacted with their friends while playing.

After six months, researchers paired children with children they had never met and observed how the pairs interacted. Later, when the children were about 4 1/2 years old, the researchers brought the participating children to play with a close friend.

The researchers focused on two main types of behavior: responsiveness and assertiveness.

A balance between these two behaviors could help children become more socially competent.” –Niyantri Ravindran, College of Family and Consumer Sciences

Children who were open to their playmates’ suggestions and enthusiastically played with them scored well on responsiveness.

While many think that assertive behavior is synonymous with aggressive behavior, in this study, assertiveness meant that children took initiative, such as inviting another child to play or coming up with ideas for games.

A strong bond existed between mothers and children when the mother was sensitive to the child’s behavior and the child responded positively. When they exhibited this dynamic while playing, these children were more likely to show the same responsiveness to their friends.

When mothers were sensitive during play and children were confident, these children were more likely to be assertive even with children they did not know.

Assertiveness is a necessary skill when meeting new colleagues

Getting to know someone can be nerve-wracking for many children. You need the confidence to take initiative and assert yourself respectfully. However, with a friend, they know what to expect, so the reaction feels more natural.

Interacting with a new person requires different skills than spending time with a friend.

“You don’t want a child to be completely submissive and never really take the initiative,” Ravindran said. “You also don’t want a child who is bossy and never listens to other children’s suggestions. A balance between these two behaviors could help children become more socially competent.”

Playing helps build social skills

Caregivers play a huge role in children’s development of social skills, and not just because they are their children’s most important role models. The way children and parents interact serves as practice for new social situations.

In most cases, parents are responsible. They decide which rules their children follow and what their children can and cannot do.

When you play, this hierarchy breaks down. Children can tell their parents what they want and how they want to play.

“You will guide your child, teach them and show them how to do things, but it is just as important to follow their example sometimes,” Ravindran said. “This can really help balance these behaviors.”

This study was published in Developmental Psychology and co-authored by Nancy L. McElwain of the Department of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Illinois.