I followed the TikTok trend for harrowing “rejection therapy” and it changed my life

A woman who asked if she could get her dress for free in Marks and Spencer and make her own sausage roll in Greggs said rejection therapy had made her “fearless”.

Sisanda Umali, 27, claims she was sexually abused at the age of 11, which she says caused her to take the rejection “personally”.

The youth mentor from Basingstoke claims she was inspired by videos of people doing rejection therapy on TikTok and decided to take on the challenge in July 2024.

Therapy is about specifically seeking out rejection in order to become comfortable with it – and Ms. Umali started by asking strangers on the street to sing with her.

Although her heart was pounding the first time, she felt “empowered” and was shocked that it wasn’t as scary as she had feared.

Ms Umali believes her confidence has grown since trying rejection therapy and that she has proven to herself that she is “strong”.

“Rejection therapy is like saying goodbye to the identity that came with trauma and pain after being sexually abused and saying hello to the real you who knows that it is someone beautiful, capable and lovable.” , she said.

“Her voice matters, her body matters, everything she has to say matters, and that she can be anything and succeed at whatever she succeeds in.”

Ms Umali has worked on her personal development through her work as a life coach for many years and has “come a long way” – but she has always struggled with rejection after being sexually abused at the age of 11.

She said: “He just made me feel like I was nothing and nothing I said or did mattered.”

“I was just an object and I wasn’t worthy of being respected, accepted, having my voice, not being trusted.”

“To prove to myself that I don’t have to be defined by one’s own values, I realized that I can actually choose what defines me, what gives me self-esteem, what gives me worth and confidence.”

As Ms. Umali grew up, she often took rejection “personally.” To overcome this, she decided to undergo rejection therapy in July 2024.

She first encountered rejection therapy on TikTok a few months earlier and was “immediately inspired” when she saw YouTubers taking on challenges like asking store owners for free items or serving her own ice cream in an ice cream truck.

As a life coach who helps people with confidence, she believes in leading by example and also believes her challenge could inspire her clients.

Her first challenge was to go to Marks & Spencer, find a dress and ask the cashier if she could have it for free.

“I was scared, I walked around for 10 minutes, just pacing, trying to work up the courage to go to the checkout,” she remembers.

“And finally I just said, ‘I just have to do it,’ and I got in line and my heart was literally pounding – I thought people could hear it.

“Eventually I got there, so I laugh, smile and just ask myself, ‘Can I have this dress for free?’

“I mean, she looked at me like, ‘I heard you, right?’

“I tried to keep my cool, like, ‘Oh, you know, I’m a regular customer, don’t you do that kind of thing for regular customers?'” to which the cashier said, “No.”

The cashier asked Ms. Umali if she still wanted the dress and she said no because she felt it was “important not to take it away from the moment.”

She added: “I wanted to feel all the misery and embarrassment, as much as I was tempted to go back and say, ‘I just did rejection therapy, don’t judge me.’

“I walked out and I literally realized that the world wasn’t ending, like the earth hadn’t swallowed me whole. Everything I thought would happen to me after that just didn’t happen.”

“I felt excited and empowered.” “I was just so fired up that I just wanted to do it again,” she added.

A few weeks later, she took on her next challenge, asking strangers on the street if they would sing Neil Diamond’s 1969 hit “Sweet Caroline” with her.

She said: “The more I did it, the more confident I became and the less I cared.”

“I might be a little nervous, but I was just focusing on feeling more confident and not at the cost of being a little nervous at the time.”

When she met her friends to celebrate one of their birthdays, she also asked strangers if they would sing “Happy Birthday” to them.

She said: “The first couple I asked said yes straight away and it kind of shocked me because I still expect no but then you learn that you would actually be surprised at what people say yes to. “

“I asked this group of men too – I would never have done that a few years ago, I was terrified of men.”

“It was a big moment for me to willingly walk up to a group of men and just say, “Excuse me, gentlemen,” all cheeky and confident, and they said, “Yeah, sure, why not?”

“So that was cool.”

On top of that, she went to her local Greggs and asked if she could make her own sausage roll and the saleswoman immediately rejected her request.

She said: “It made me not care what people thought. “At that point I felt completely fearless.”

She has also asked strangers to lend her £5, walked down the street with a hand mixer and asked people if they wanted to buy it, and while doing her weekly grocery shopping in Waitrose, she asked a fellow shopper for to pay for her toilet paper roll.

Other trust-building exercises included asking strangers to lend her £5, walking down the street with a hand mixer and asking people if they would like to buy it.

She also asked a fellow shopper to pay for her toilet roll while she did her weekly grocery shopping in Waitrose.

Since rejection therapy, she has noticed that her self-confidence is growing and her “social skills” are improving.

Ms Umali confessed that before taking on the challenge she had rated her confidence at just four out of ten and now she would rate it at eight.

She explained: “I had believed that I would always be rejected… but now I know that’s not true, and rejection therapy is a wonderful way to prove to myself and remind myself that I am strong.”

“I’ve been attacked by men more than usual – now I literally walk with my head held high and make eye contact with almost every stranger I pass and I smile.”

“I think I’m just more approachable.” Plus, more people have contacted me about my business, and that’s been really exciting.”