Love, marriage and… what did she tell me now? | News, sports, jobs

Marital Truth of the Day: “No one is more surprised than a husband who hears about his wife’s plans for the second time.” (Laura Marie Gordon)

It’s a trite saying that husbands don’t really listen to what their wives say. That is not true. I’m sure that every time she said, “Steak and potatoes are on the table,” I not only heard it, but immediately responded.

I think this false wisdom is largely due to the fact that women suffer from memory loss.

“Burton, I told you that three weeks ago and again last week.”

“Honey, you just dreamed that, like that time you dreamed about me ‘wasting’ our money on a Corvette Stingray and then not letting you drive it.”

“It wasn’t a nightmare. I definitely told you. You were sitting right there in your chair watching the game and I said…”

Do you see the problem here? If it’s not a bad memory, it’s bad timing.

I’ve been thinking about adventures in marriage lately. Our wedding anniversary was Friday. It was my second test without Terry, who had received her heavenly reward 16 months earlier. Since then I have lived without adult supervision.

My friend Marcie “The Joke Lady” from Niles, who sent me packages of wisdom, once added this grain of truth: “Just think, if marriage didn’t exist, men would go through life thinking they had no flaws at all . ”

The Joke Lady wasn’t kidding. It wasn’t until I was married that I learned that I actually had a few flaws, including: “You’re breathing too loudly.”

“Should I stop?”

I didn’t care what she looked like when I made the offer.

It reminded me of another line in Marcie’s list: “I married my wife for her looks – but not for what she’s given me lately.”

Another pearl of wisdom on the list of marriage thoughts was this observation from Rita Rudner: “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

I’m not condemning marriage. I miss it. In the words of the great philosopher Henny Youngman: “For better or for worse, we were married. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.”

Terry always claimed the opposite was true, but I knew the truth.

It reminds me of the quote from the great philosopher Anonymous: “A good relationship consists of each partner secretly suspecting that they have made the better offer.”

I consulted other great philosophers to see how they understood love and the deadlocked, um, holy marriage.

“Love is being stupid together.” — Paul Valery

“You say you love flowers, but you cut them. You say you love animals, but you eat them. Now you say you love me and I’m scared!” — anonymous

“Love is like a backache; You can’t see it on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, you’re living with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck

“I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone nearby to find my glasses cannot be ignored.” — Cameron Esposito (I once saw Terry pawing at the side table looking for her reading glasses, and probably snorted a little too loudly when I told her to knock herself on the head. She had not one, but TWO pairs of reading glasses up there.

“No husband was ever shot while doing dishes.” — William Heidrich (my late father-in-law, who Terry told me actually washed the dishes far more often than her own husband.)

“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” – Jean Illsley Clarke

“Marriage is our last and best chance to grow up.” — Joseph Barth

“To make your marriage fizz; with love in the loving cup… Whenever you are wrong, admit it; Whenever you are right, keep your mouth shut.” – Ogden Nash

“It’s amazing how one day someone comes into your life and the next day you wonder how you lived without them and how you live with them.” — anonymous

Happy anniversary, my love. I wish you were still here.

Send marriage advice to Cole (who can no longer use it) at [email protected] or on the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook.