These are the worst Halloween candy ever

I was once a princess for Halloween and once a Nascar driver.

When I was nine or ten years old, I dressed up in my nicest clothes and headed to the treat-lined streets of my neighborhood to get a hefty dose of sugar. My costumes were tailored, distinguished and glamorous. On both of these occasions I mingled with the other neighborhood children; dressed to impress and understanding that in order to make a sweet living I had to wear a great outfit.

But other than those two occasions, I behaved completely normally.

One year I was a waitress, another year I was a border guard. I was a casino concierge in fifth grade, followed by, mind you, a construction crane operator in middle school. For some reason I was fascinated by Jobs.

If you’re out there trying to grab a pillowcase full of Reese’s, you just can’t; Especially when you’re up against Elsa, dinosaurs, and a life-sized box of Frosted Flakes.

Today, however, I’d say I’m better off wearing my lackluster costumes, because those perfectly dressed kids will never understand what it’s like to have the adults take away their candy the bottom of the bag in your bag. On many occasions I was given some bizarre “treats” – which only made me appreciate the sweet and salty peanut butter cups even more.

From the perspective of some who have had every terrible snack, these are the ten worst Halloween candies of all time.

10. Lemon heads

At the top of this list is a candy that tastes like the smell of a Lysol classroom wipe—and is probably just as dangerous to eat. Sour little lollipops without sticks. Lemonheads will have your taste buds racing off your tongue when consumed in large quantities.

Fortunately, most children never find themselves in this scenario; because the unwanted trick-or-treating gift is only ever given in disappointing solo packages.

9. Generic Taffy

Monotonous, boring and devoid of any recognition value (sometimes it tastes better with a logo), generic toffee pieces are the next thing to turn the countdown into a don’t-get-off-the-pillowcase countdown.

Looking for something milky and appley at the same time? Choose the green. Want to make black licorice even less enticing? Hop for the black piece with the white swirl and let its stunning texture convince you that there’s always room for a worse meal.

Be it brown, speckled, yellow or striped, there is no good option in the bag.

8. Atomic fireballs

The package says each FireBall contains 60 calories.

However, if you are weak, it is only 30.

7. 3 Musketeers

At some point someone decided taking the peanuts and caramel out of a Snickers was a good idea.

Or someone at Quest Bars convinced Mars that a candy version of his pre-workout snacks would be all the rage.

6. Points

There’s something special about Dots’ vibrant branding and enticing texture always convinces you to grab a box on Halloween. Cherry, strawberry, orange, lemon – the flavors are as inviting as can be and the packaging is so sweet.

However, put one in your mouth and you will be released. “Cherry” means cough syrup, “lemon” is diluted crystal light, and “orange” is somewhere between pine sol and wax.

AKA, Dots are the candy equivalent of getting catfished on Tinder.

5. Third-party brand Pixy Stix

I don’t have a picture of it, but you know which neon lights I’m talking about.

Just imagine the portion of trick-or-treating loot that’s left in January. They lie between plastic vampire fangs and temporary tattoos.

4. Pretzels

I have no problem with pretzels.

But I really have a problem with pretzels on Halloween.

3. Hot tamales

There’s a spectrum of terrible candies ranging from Big Red to black licorice, and these guys are right in the middle.

Essentially a bag of cancerous tumors, you have to be a masochist to like them.

2. Double bubble

Do you want to chew so hard that you get a self-induced migraine?

Good news, trick-or-treaters: Dubble Bubble is still on the market!

1. Necco waffles

Remember Augmentin? That “stage two” strep throat medication the doctor gave you when the wonderful amoxicillin didn’t work?

Take that flavor profile, give it the texture of a freeze-dried astronaut banana and you get the Necco wafers.

Invented in 1847, the candy has survived the Civil War, Prohibition, and the rise and fall of K-Mart, only to continue to humiliate children to this day—or satisfy people who enjoy eating dried White-Out chips off the side of a bottle.

Chalky, disgusting and disturbing, the only good thing that comes from Necco Wafers’ existence is its ability to create a traumatic bond between anyone unfortunate enough to try it.

Kara VanDooijeweert is a food writer for NorthJersey.com and The Record. If you don’t find her in Jersey’s best restaurants, she’s probably at a racetrack in the mountains. See her on Instagram: @karanicolev & @northjerseyeatsand sign up for them North Jersey Eats Newsletter.