Spice of life: Make time for the children before the inevitable role reversal occurs

Recently my wife, an ophthalmologist, remarked, “I not only treat eye diseases, I also examine them emotionally.” Before I could decipher the implied meaning of her impulsive statement, she added, “Our son Saket misses your company.” Then she showed me a picture she had secretly clicked in which our teenage son had his eyes on me while my eyes were fixated on my smartphone.

A wave of nostalgia followed as my wife reminded me of the difficult times we experienced together throughout medical school. Years ago, my wife and I had left our young son in the care of his grandparents after getting admitted to one of the best defense hospitals, INHS, Asvini, Mumbai, to complete our postgraduate studies (MDs) in our respective disciplines. Spending every day without him at an age when he needed his parents the most was such a tedious task that we often couldn’t muster the courage to talk to him on the phone as he innocently asked for our imminent death in a strangled voice had asked to return.

After we finished our doctoral studies, we finally came home to spend time with our son. Soon I got a call from a medical college in Kolkata for my DM degree. To ease the pain of separation, this time I decided to take the whole family with me. Three years flew by and my work commitments left me little time to watch my son grow up.

Focusing on the present, three days a week are alternately spent providing my services to a specialty hospital in Jalandhar, while the remaining three days are spent in my clinic in Pathankot prescribing tests and pills. Pushing ahead with my plans to open a private hospital also eats up Sundays.

Since my wife rightly noticed that the distance between father and son was increasing, I decided to make amends. I shrugged off my laziness of waking up late, long after his school bus had left, and began rising with the sun, just for my son. With the hidden aim of sensitizing my son to the “real” world from a mature perspective; Long morning walks with him worked wonders. Soon we were sharing anecdotes, interests and even long-held secrets.

To reset my real-life relationships, I set role limits. My resolution to do a digital detox at home allowed new seeds of friendship to sprout and blossom. Late in the evening, we played badminton on the terrace, which not only helped us lose extra kilos but also broke down the formal barriers that usually exist between a father and his son in traditional Indian settings.

When my wife saw our camaraderie and bond, she was naturally delighted.

I realized that our professional duties and desires hardly have an end. The endless pursuit of material wealth leaves parents unaware as their children grow up craving their undivided attention. Now I dedicate all the time I can to my son until the inevitable role reversal occurs in which, ironically, as an aging father, I miss the company of my “busy” adult son. [email protected]

The The author is a Pathankot-based endocrinologist